my reflection

it was a quiet and peaceful Thursday morning..however, my heart somehow just couldn keep to its normal beat as i chatted with a fren of mine thru MSN. little did i noe my life made a 180 degrees turn on that peaceful but fateful morning..

al these while, i led a perfect little life..or so, i thought. i had very little to worry about..i was brought up in a christian family and had an ever caring and responsible parents who prioritized us (their kids) in everything. back at st. george’s, i was surrounded by good people..we talked, we laughed..we basically shared almost everyth. it was one particular moment where to me, the time stopped and i looked around me..and began to notice the goodness and luxury i possessed..not the $$ kinda luxury..having good ppl with me and being on top of the world are among the luxuries money cant buy..

it was that period of time when i had my eye on someone..someone reli special to me. for almost two years, he pampered me without being forced, gave me special treatments and never set his eyes on any other gals but me..yes, he did compliment on the beauty of other good looking females but to him, i was the best..and i never doubted his sincerity. i was very beautiful in his eyes altho i had bad skin then and was quite skinny..some said love is blind and that i was blinded by it but i was sure there were only two of us in our little world..for the few years only, unfortunately..

after the super good, almost two year relationship, things started to slide downhill. due to my parents’ never ending paranoia (they never approved of him til now), we argued endlessly and often had disagreements. those petty n little puppy fights, which had accumulated over the years left teeny scars in us..then i just had to make that accidental mistake which caused the peaceful volcano in him to erupt. yup..it erupted..and the consequences were bad. after two yr plus of happiness (dun take the minor fights into account k), it ended..just like tat..

i flew to aussie n nz for a mth of holiday right after tat..during that one mth, i was hoping he would send at least an email or a frenster msg to show he cared. he never did. i went back and tried to lead my life, which were then slightly different from before, as normal as possible. i told myself i wud not cry over the ended rship or him..but i failed once or twice..

during that semester of my study, we met up once and trust me, i regretted agreein to meet up. it ended horribly..and another time which i had promised to meet up ended badly too..

anyway, the semester after tat was actually quite good for me..i led a pretty good life without being bothered by him or the past..he initiated conversations several times and i just replied coolly..the anxious feeling and heart beating at abnormal rates never occurred. in fact, i felt numb..it was as tho there were nth between us. no history, no nth..and i thought "goodie..we can finally b frens"

but it was the hug that changed everyth..the invisible barrier i had built in me after several nasty outcomes had vanished completely..as in C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E.L.Y.!!! my heart was soften again and yup, we were back together..

it didn last long..

nastier arguments occurred and ta-daa! the tie broke again..i was devastated. i tot i cudn survive the night (or early morning)..it was that morning where everyth started off nice and peaceful (rmb the abnormal heart beat thingy?) and ended up..only God noes how to describe. i thought i need another few months to rebuilt the invisible wall..

then he said "i think u better look for someone new..me too..it’s the best for both of us.."

…

at that moment, no doubt my heart ached so badly i cudn even sit straight but that particular line helped my inner self to build that wall in just seconds..just seconds. i wud hv to thank him for that..note, it’s not a sarcastic remark~

right now, i have promised myself not to meet him one on one because i duwanna get unexpected and "deadly" hugs from him anymore..hehe i sincerely hope he would find someone new soon..

my life’s back to my high school days where everyone is giving all the attention i cud get and i am giving them mine..life’s great..

-erica-